Isn’t it funny, how sometimes love isn’t funny at all? When you’re happy 99 out of 100 days and on the day he brings you the most beautiful roses ever, the first thing that comes to your mind is that he also bought the same bouquet for someone else? And in my head that spiraled into him leaving me because he doesnt need me in his life anyway, how he loves her more but can’t tell me, how he will never be mine and how stupidly inlove i am.. from one dark scorpio thought to another, it consumed me.
Ugh. I hate myself for being unhappy and unsatisfied right now when i damn well shouldn’t be. I hate myself for wanting more when i know he is giving me all he can. And despite being well aware that i am being ungrateful and unbelievably selfish, i still struggle with these thoughts. Dark scorpio, get away from me please! Can’t you let me stay happy in my little bubble? *sigh*
The next day part 1
Today isn’t any better so it seems. As we are both muddled with work and won’t have time to see or talk to each other. I guess we will have to see how this week turns out but the forecast seems bleak. There’s a hole in my heart and the one and only person that can fill it is far away right now.
Why can’t we all just get along?
It does, however, feel good to write again. The only reason i stopped was because — he found my blog! I mentioned it to him a few random times; it didn’t cross my mind that he would try and find it. Well, he did.. and until now i can’t really tell if he liked what i wrote about us.. i think maybe most of it he liked but i bet he was silently wishing he could edit/delete some of the more “colorful” parts.
The next day part 2
Surprisingly, he did ask to see me today despite our sour moods. What i am grateful for is that he still insisted on checking my car’s headlights and fixed it for me despite that. And though we’re in an unknown funk this week, we still ended the day with a sweet kiss.
It is so true how they say that when relationships between water signs are less than ideal, it feels like our worlds can come crashing down any minute… Because i can’t even begin to say how much i miss my normally sweet and loving Pisces man. Right now, breathing seems like a painful chore and no matter what i am doing and who i am with, i feel illogically incomplete, hopelessly alone and inexplicably disconnected with the world.
And baby, if you ever read this, i love you more than i can say and no matter how bad the dark days get, i will always always choose you.